A new focus

A Hostel in the Forest

2009-04-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year a group of us went to Georgia on a road trip. One of our overnight stops was a little hard to find. A Hostel in the Forest. It could have easily been passed having gone unnoticed. In fact, we did just that. We had to drive past a couple of times before we found the place.

(The following is taken from earlier journaling.) Each night we had a mostly homegrown vegan meal. A young couple started cooking at 4 and by the time 7 rolled around, the food was prepared and all were hungry. Beautiful lettuce and kale and spinach for salad. Topped with a homemade creamy vinigarette.
Spicy vegetable soup with a bulyon based broth. Plenty of vegetables.
Mac and yeast. The yeast was an ingredient in a cheese substitute for vegan food. Orzo. I have no idea what it was--maybe something between pasta and rice.

Following the good eats is an unscientific, non-reproducable time of laughter and storytelling. I enjoyed my tea. All were entranced by the fire and the anecdotal conversation. When someone was tired, they went off to bed unannounced. The white sand paths lead them to their house and sleeping bag to await the morning's cock crow. As the night continued, the conversations shifted, becoming more mystic. Half-hour stories, hour stories, and holistic conversation till the coals glowed with no flame.

Morning was announced by a cock's crow. And people emerged from their respecitce tree houses to fix tea or coffee, tend the almost-dead fire, cook a breakfast, or busy themselves with morning chores to maintain the beauty of the living spaces and common areas.

Work was interwoven with play and many chores turned into either games or meditation. Of course there was no griping. If you were tired, you took some time to eat fruit or drink tea.

An update about school

2009-04-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

The coming warm weather marks the end of another school year. I found out that I'll be here till the spring of 2011. That means I will have been here 5 years instead of 4. It's not what was planned, but I think it will be alright. Half of the final year will be spent as a part-time student. The other half will be spent as a student teacher. I'm really quite excited about trying my hand at teaching. But I won't have to wait until 2011. I'll be getting a chance to teach in a public classroom in just a few weeks.

When this semester ends two weeks from now, a May semester will start. During May I'll be at a school in town participating in a practicum. I'll work alongside a senior teacher to gain a little experience in an actual classroom. (This experience probably should have come long ago...but whatever.) I'll get to observe and teach some lessons. The part I am looking forward to the most is being critiqued after teaching a lesson. This class is expected to the be the final test before committing to the Teacher Education Program. I'll let you know how it goes.

Another excitement, with regards to teaching, is the prospect of doing part of my student teaching in China. There is an international school with several branches that I could work and live at. I would be there for 8 weeks--the second half of student teaching. The first 8 weeks would be spent somewhere in Indiana. Can you imagine?? The idea of living in China for 8 weeks is adventurous and livening. One of Alyssa's friends, Emily aka Gangster, was part of this idea entering my head. She has spent the last few weeks at one of international branches in China. Her blog, containsing some of her experiences and stories , has certainly perked my interest. I understand that student teaching is a long way off, but I'm still excited about it. One day at a time, I suppose. Wherever a career takes me, I only hope that I can be of service to the people around me, and that I can minister to them.

I think the heat is getting to me.

2008-07-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I think the heat is beginning to get to me. My computer has developed a tendency to over heat. Thus is life with no air conditioning. On the real, I'm not really annoyed by it.

I've been getting acquainted with the AA and Christian community around here, and they have both been very welcoming to me. Sometimes it's weird being a Christian in AA. AA has been nothing but a help to me, and it's a place I can always find service work, not to mention a place to practice virtues. In a way I feel like church and AA are such big parts of my life, but neither quite understands the other.

Today I went out on an excursion in an attempt to escape the heat. Some parts of the day are hotter inside than outside. I just kind of wandered around a little bit, found a box turtle, and took it to the creek. When I found the box turtle it was quite a way away from where I thought it should be (the creek), but I wondered whether or not I should relocate it. I reasoned that it would eventually make it's way back to the creek and that it might like a ride, so I took it back.

The water at the creek was cool and wonderful to wade into for a minute. I sat down and observed the passing leaves. The creek is a good spot to pray. I also think I might try fishing there.

P.S.
Here are some pictures from some of the camps I've been at this summer.

Pretty Woman

2008-07-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks or so I’ve been living in a foreign place. Horses graze in the backyard. The horses are much larger than the rabbits I’m use to seeing in my backyard. They are much more intimidating, too.

Who ever thought horses were domesticated?! It’s only been recently that I’ve felt comfortable around them. After observing their behavior a little I think I can tell when one is displaying its playfulness or its annoyance.

One of the horses is named Pretty Woman, or Pretty for short. Pretty has never been fully broke, but it’s been decided she needs to be. One of my tasks for these days is to work with her, getting her use to being handled and ridden. Pretty doesn’t have a problem with me getting on her back—in fact, she’ll let me swing up on her like a novice cowboy (barely making it up). Currently Pretty is learning to listen to “turn” and “stop” commands and shift between walking and trotting. All this is bareback, so while I’m teaching her the commands, she is teaching me balance. She is gracious teacher; I am a slow learner. I hope she will take a saddle and a bit soon—I have a vision of us charging down the pasture that makes my heart pound a little faster.

Aside from the horse business, I’ve been taking a calculus class. A piece of advice to all who plan on taking calculus II: It’s a good idea to take it during the summer as transfer credit! This way my grade does not affect my GPA…what a wonderful system. And on top of that it’s only 4 weeks long.

I’ll be ranchero Dave for couple more weeks. My last day of class is August 7. I’ll be out of here shortly after. I think a road trip will be in order.

P.S.
A couple of things I’ve been thinking a lot about: Intimacy is a product of commitment just as joy is a product of service. No true commitment, no true intimacy. No true service, no true joy.

Making Repairs

2008-06-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well sophomore year is done and summer has come. One of the big projects of the summer has been, and will continue to be, making repairs on the house. We will be selling the house in Marion and that means lots of work getting it ready. It's really weird how this house has been neglected until the owner has decided to sell it. Why should we live in a house that's going the pot and then fix it up right before we leave?

Regardless, this mega-project has provided many micro-projects. I really do like fixing things...maybe I've mentioned that before. I try not to have expectations for the progress of this project, because the projects like to take longer than expected. Projects always try my patients and devotion. And there is always a vision that I must keep of the finished product--in this case a flood-proof basement.

There is something profound in taking on a project and bringing it through to completion. Above all, one must have a desire to fix the thing in need of repair. One must be prepared to commit sometimes vast supplies of time and energy--much more than expected. This is the only way things work. It seems to be built into the foundation of the universe.

What is God's mega-project? In His eyes and heart, what needs repaired--what needs to be redeemed?

For those that still read this

2008-03-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

For anyone who still reads my blog after such a long time of no new posts: There is much happening--so much to catch up with that I don't have time tonight for it all.

I just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm still alive and kickin it.

Hold out just a little longer...

Lifehouse Everything Skit

2007-12-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Time to think.

2007-11-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

The family (Anna, Steven, my mom, and me) are taking a trip down to southern Indiana for Thanksgiving day. We've done this for a few years now--it's becoming a tradition. When was the last time I was with my mom, sister, and brother at the same time? It really hasn't been that long--just feels like it. A 4 hr drive should be plenty of time for the kinetics of the reaction. I think the cramped space of the car should act as a catalyst for good conversation, too.

Down south, nature seems more vibrant. I'm looking forward to seeing the countryside, my mom, sister, and brother at the same time.

Sometimes I want to do things with my family because I want to do things with the family. I'm glad I have been reminded to think of others first. If I am trying to run the show, I am bound to have a miserable time.

Will I be discontent with the actions and attitudes of others, or will I meet them where they are? Will I consume the people around me, or will I give of myself without concern of my own happiness? Sounds crazy, but it's one on those backward Kingdom things. experience has supported the concept that I am most joyful when I am concerned more about them that I am for myself.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Time to sit down.

2007-11-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

Anyone who was reading my post probably gave up on me after months of no updates.

Much has happened since my last post. The most obvious of which is that the first semester of my sophomore year is almost at an end. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through, but here I am...an older and more educated person.

Work this past summer in the lab (with Dr. Brinkman and Katie) has given me a sort of confidence in facing things that look impossible. Writing that lab manual was the biggest task of my life! And now I'm thankful to have that experience under my belt. The experience has contributed to the determination I have in the hardest of my classes.

Furthermore, I've been able to gain experience as a teacher--in a freshmen level chemistry lab and in a middle school LD classroom. Is it amazing that I enjoy the 7th grade LD kids far more that I enjoy the freshmen? I preparation for next semester I've been trying to pin down my major...again. It seems like each time I figure out what I want to accomplish through a college education, the plans change. Teaching? Graduate work? Environmental work? All of the above?! It's really been hard to get a handle on these ideas, so I've been trying to plan ahead as well as I can with guidance from several of my professors. I have been praying about the matter. One semester at a time I guess.

Can I share a dream with you?
I want to take a group of middle schoolers on a trip down a river. We could learn a lot about chemistry and biology in relation to the environment.

The End of Summer, The Beginning of Something New

2007-09-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

You wouldn't believe how many people ask, "Oh, so how was your summer?!" Most people won't care to listen to real thing, so I simply and politely answer, "Fine, thank you. And your's?"

Let me give justice to the question and give a more elaborate answer(s).

The Teenage Answer:
Summer was sweet. Time off from school to just chill is invaluable. Being 19 provided me the privilege of traveling around the state. I experienced the freedoms of the road with friends and in solitude. Each day my senses tingled with some part of the hot season. Spontaneity. Independence. Friendship. Bodies of water! The bright UV ray-emitting sun! wonderful...

The Adult Answer:
This summer has truly been like none other.

This summer was one of responsibility. It was one of slow progress toward far away goals. Though it may sound boring, I found that it did not lack excitement. I think the progress and the hard work was exciting. I just hope the excitement continues to motivate me on into the school year.
----------------
How can these two answers find unity with one another? They do...but I sure don't know how. Sometimes I notice that I'm more comfortable with myself today than I ever have been in the known past--despite my ignorance. This summer was sweet because I got to get to know myself a little better--as a kid and as an adult--in relation with other people and in relation with myself.

I wish I had a picture to illustrate all this, but I don't. To all yall who were there to share some of it with me: I hope you cherish the memories as much as I do. Thanks!

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

2007-08-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

"Familiarity breeds contempt." The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy (3rd ed., 2002) rephrases the adage as follows:

The better we know people, the more likely we are to find fault with them.

I find the ideology supporting this adage to be contradictory to a deep, innate hope: that the better we get to know someone, the more we accept and enjoy them for who they are.

I have nothing else to say on the matter! I'm going to bed!

I love Indiana

2007-08-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

I love Indiana. I love this time of year, especially dusk during this time of year. Cicadas sing as the sun retires for the night. The bats come out. Even though the air cools down, The pavement stays warm under my feet. My sister's smile and laugh fit right in. Mom's quite presence. The love I have is great. It's in my fingers and legs. I can feel it in my teeth and gums, and the bottom of my feet, too. Love, I believe, is a powerful thing--much more than I know.

Book Recommendation

2007-07-27T20:34:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to recommend a book--Through the Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot. I just finished it a few minutes ago and would like to write about it now, but I don't know what to say. . . Much of it is still setting in. This is an incredible story. The story goes beyond the book, though. I would recommend reading a little about the lives of these missionaries. There is a movie (End Of The Spear) that overlaps this story. I recommend it also.

A Weekend At Caleb's

2007-07-01T19:20:00.001-07:00

This picture was taken on a drive to Northern Indiana to visit a friend of mine. Not bad for shooting and driving at the same time, huh?!

It was a refreshing little road trip. The air was clear and the temperature just right. After a few wrong turns and a short detour into Michigan I arrived with nothing damaged other than my Pride of Following Directions (which never really existed to begin with).

Next day Caleb and I met his family at a lake in Michigan for the day. Captain Caleb and First Mate David sailed the waters of the deep with intervals of swimming and reveling under the afternoon sun. Hazzah! Finally--the infamous business week has been conquered!

A large party joined us on the water that night in our celebrating the victory. The combustion of metal in the sky let loose a wonderful display of light and sound. The former preceding the latter by the count of "one one thousand, two one thousand, three one th--"

Caleb, we won't have times like this during the semester, so let's enjoy ourselves, shall we?

Adams Street

2007-06-20T19:27:00.001-07:00

Riding my bike along Adams Street, feeling the breeze and enjoying the sunshine, I meandered in the empty street. Beep! Beep! A car rushed past with a cuss and a muffed mention about being in the way.

Apparently there was a man yelling at me from his convertible.

Stopped at a sign, he was half a block ahead. "If I hurry," I thought, "I could catch up to him and let him know--kindly--there was a whole other lane for him drive in and he didn't have to scream past me." Despite how great of an idea it was, I was reminded by some level of consciousness that it probably would not end with the man's apology regarding his belligerent behavior.

The man was gone--off in the distance--and I was, once again, alone on the road. The breeze blew and the sun shined, tranquility came, and I continued along Adams Street on a straighter path than before.

2007-06-17T19:27:00.001-07:00

All Consuming

2007-06-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

A week and a half will mark the date for my friends Austin and his wife Darcy's move to the big city of New York. They are beginning work with an organization simply helping the poor/homeless. (website: www.nycr.org) Austin is one of those people who was introduced to me by some strange series of events.

Why do missionaries become missionaries? Personally I am frightened when it comes to commitment like that . Growing up I don't know how many times I've bailed on a long term commitment because I felt it would be easier to quit than to continue on (I certainly could have used more practice doing it the other way). It's happened to me concerning relationships, academics, running, work, etc. Whatever it is, it will eventually call for more commitment and changing conditions--letting the other person see more of the real you, taking a class that you know is too hard for you, running against harder competition, taking a new job. Those are the conditions. I'm sure I'm not the only one who looks at these things and begins to fear the unknown--failure or success. Deliberately letting people down, I succumb to my fear, call the whole thing off, get messed up, and forget about.

God has been teaching me to do something that I sometimes feel is completely unnatural; to forget about myself and to just do it. Is that what Christians refer to as having faith?

I believe this element drives people like Austin and Darcy to do the things they do. They are so far out there that they must rely on something bigger than themselves to help them (I'll have to take time later to find the story about the disciple who walked out on the water toward Jesus during a storm in the Sea of Galilee). For them faith means courage, not weakness. They are consumed by faith rather than fear.

I didn't go into great detail about my own circumstance because they are my own circumstances. I just wanted to ponder aloud about fear and faith--both all consuming. End here or endure this long gleaning from the book Alcoholics Anonymous:

"Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't' go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way--we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. "
(p 68)

Back in Marion

2007-06-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

Being back in Marion provides certain comforts--a large fire, shouting matches across the street, and even gun shots in the night. You may be surprised, but I find comfort in the consistency of chaos. I mean it in the most lighthearted way.

Work hasn't been so easy to work back in to. There are long hours of solitary work. With this new job I have the freedom to make my own schedule, but unfortunately I am lacking on the parallel responsibility! It's easy to put things off or to stare off into oblivion, anxiously wondering whether I should get back to work or not.

OK, enough complaining! I enjoy work. I've got the opportunity to do something completely different. And it's not like a normal job! The professionalism is somewhat exciting and challenging. I suppose the work itself is enjoyable if I choose to look at it that way. It's just that it's so consuming! Have you ever felt that something was consuming you? It's kind of nerve-wracking. Some times I want to fully dedicate myself to that which is consuming, and other times I feel like running away as fast as I can.

Zion National Park Con't

2007-06-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

I have been getting comments on my IWU sweat shirt. "Oh you go to Indiana Wesleyan?! I went there for a year," and such. But Saturday morning was interesting. As we were entering the park at the ticket booth the ranger at the booth asked, "Do you really go to IWU? I went there!" (Or something to that effect.) We all stood and talked for a few minutes. It was nice to know the people in Zion were real people with real lives and not just tourists and people with ranger outfits.

We went on into the park and I began my hike up to Angel's Landing. I moved quickly up the switchback trail past families with sunglasses and treking poles. As I turned the corner of the last switchback I came upon a collapsed man.

His pale blue face was smashed up against a rock and his glasses bent. His eyes were slots and his mouth was gaping. Another man came running down and we met at the scene. We turned him over. He had urinated himself. I headed back down the mountain to call 911 and saw two rangers. There were more people at the scene--two fireman (one obviously more qualified than the other, an x-EMT, two park rangers, and me.

I checked for ID and and tried to use my brain to calculate his age. A pressure all around made it hard to calculate out the difference of 1947 and 2007. I felt so under qualified, so I prayed. I'm not sure what I prayed for, but it seemed like all I could do aside form hovering. The man quickly died after a few more gasps. There was no evidence that the man was conscious enough to know we were there and that we were trying to help him. The surgical scars he had on his body indicated his chance of living was slim. There were no tears--he had been hiking by himself.

I was surprised to learn that there had been 3 deaths in 4 days.

As I was leaving the park after my hike, I saw Ranger Juli smiling and helping visitors. She finished up with the tourists and we talked about the deaths. Ranger Juli got off work and bought us ice cream and we talked about things other than deaths. It was good to see a pretty, smiling face and to think about something else.

Later on that night I thought more about the man. Never before have I seen someone die.

Zion National Park

2007-06-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've begun to enjoy myself after getting use to the time change and recovering from my 48-hour day of travel. The history lessons on the Mormons are over.

Thursday we went into the park. Really, this place is beautiful. Apparently the difference between a National Park and a National Monument is that a National Park must be voted into effect by Congress whereas a National Monument can be instated by the President alone. The vote must have been unanimous for Zion. Just about everything I learned about in that May-term Earth Science class became real and in-my-face. I even wrote a paper on Zion in that class because I knew I was going to be here.

A man died today on the Angel's Landing trail. He fell off the side of a cliff. To my understanding, he was a newly wed. Rangers were documenting the accident with photographs.

We went up to Emerald Pools. The hike went up to a lower pool, middle pool, and upper pool. Even though the upper pool, by far, was the most spectacular, the entirety of the hike was memorable and exhilarating. The emerald green pools were deep accumulations of mountain spring water. After the long hike up I went swimming in the Upper Pool.

The body was recovered from the base of Angel's Landing and the trail was reopened.

Utah

2007-06-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

I don't think my family has ever taken a vacation together prior to this one. Even so, only Mom, Anna, and I went. Destination: Zion National Park.

Honestly I'm not sure if family vacation fully describes the situation. My mom had been communicating with a photographer in the Utah area and they decided to meet in person. At first I felt uneasy about the whole thing. But, why not go and have a good time. Anna will probably prefer me to be there anyways.

We flew out to Salt Lake City. (Anyone who is trying to make it Zion, please save yourself time and grief by flying out to Las Vegas instead of Salt Lake.) Salt Lake had recently had some slow come through over the mountains. The cold was refreshing from the stale air in the plane and terminal. Jim--the photographer--seemed nice enough. Kind of ADD though...and a terrible driver. The long drive to Springdale (Zion NP). Mountain ranges on both sides.

Finally we arrived after some serious detours (thanks to our driver). Funny, I usually get use to people and their behavior but this Jim has been difficult. Everyone is tired and over-stimulated.

What is a blog anyways?

2007-06-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

Reading through some of my friends' blogs I began to think about starting one myself. What will it be for? Will I be able to keep up with posts? Will I have anything interesting to say? Will people even understand my jabbering? Despite my over-analytical mind I've started this blog for some form of journaling.
The journal I usually keep has been running dry. Entries are short and infrequent. I feel as if I've said nothing after I've finished one.
I hope this can be a way of journaling some thoughts.